Lanae Strovers

How did you first get into this work?

I was a young single mom just making ends meet – when I experienced the loss of a close friend. Due to the circumstances of his death, there was a 3-month delay for his service. When we attended the services, we found that we did not get the closure we so desperately needed. It was not personalized, and not about him. I went home and googled how to be a funeral director, signed up for classes, and never looked back!

Who has mentored, inspired, or encouraged you along the way?

There have been so many people who’ve played important roles in shaping my career. The first person who comes to mind is Roger Duven, the funeral director from my small hometown. Watching him care for families in our community — including classmates and members of my own family — left a lasting impression on me. I’ve always admired his poise, professionalism, and the quiet strength he brought to his work.

As I began my own career and started working in a funeral home, I had the privilege of learning from two female funeral directors I deeply respect: Jaime Caes and Sonny Fox. They each have completely different approaches to funeral service, but I learned so much from both of them — not only about the profession, but about the value of authenticity and leadership in different forms.

In my current role at NFDA, the list of mentors and inspirations is nearly endless. I’ve been fortunate to cross paths with so many incredible women in death care — from Ellen McBrayer to Leili McMurrough — and countless others in between. Their example, wisdom, and passion for this profession continue to inspire me every day.

What keeps you doing it?

In my role at the funeral home, my passion is reignited every time I sit across from a family who is completely lost — overwhelmed by grief and unsure of what comes next. Being able to serve as a steady guide, a beacon of light through that mountain of decisions, is a profound honor. To hold their hand and walk beside them on one of the hardest days of their life — that’s what fuels me.

As an educator with NFDA, I find renewed purpose in every school I visit. Listening to students share their goals and ambitions reminds me why this profession matters so deeply. It challenges me to show up as the person I once needed when I was in their shoes — to support, to encourage, and to help them see what’s possible in this calling.

One piece of advice for women entering this profession.

Find your tribe. Find the people who will cheer for you loudly, celebrate your wins without jealousy, and stand beside you on the hard days. Surround yourself with those who listen without judgment, offer support without condition, and never see you as competition. The work we do is too important — and too heavy — to carry alone.

Favorite moment or memory from your work so far.

There have been so many meaningful moments — I feel incredibly blessed by the experiences this work has given me. From bringing home the remains of a 22-year-old WWII veteran who died in 1942, to honoring a man who endured seven years as a prisoner of war — each moment has left a mark on my heart.

But if I had to choose just one, it would be laying to rest a Civil War veteran whose unclaimed cremated remains were discovered in a basement. Placing his urn beside a period-appropriate headstone, finally giving him the dignity and recognition he deserved after so many years — that moment will always stay with me.

What’s a surprising skill or fun fact about you?

I had a documentary movie made about my life – my story from being adopted and finding my family while also trying to find family for all of the unclaimed urns I had found. It is called “Chasing The Dead”